Not a lot of young girls dream of being soldiers where I’m from. We have great pride in South Africa, but the army is not a job for a girl.
I grew up in the bush with my siblings. We were all good kids but I was a bit of a troublemaker. I played soccer every day. There was not a girls club so I played with the boys. They thought I was very good so they let me play.
My mother was a teacher and took care of me and my siblings. She was at home most of the time. My dad worked in Victoria and only came home once a month. I was close to both of them. They both raised me with respect and taught me about respect — how to let people be who they want to be. My parents told me that I could do anything.
When I was 12, I started running. I was very good at it. It made me happy. I never thought about money — about running as a job — because, to me, I didn’t want to confuse why I ran. You see? At the end of the day, I run because I love to run.
Caster Semenya
I Wanted To Be A Soldier
Track & Field
I Wanted To Be A Soldier
BY Caster Semenya
Here’s the deal. This thing happened when I was 12 years old that changed my whole life. And I still don’t like to talk about it, because it’s still pretty raw to me, even today.
See, basketball wasn’t my first love. I mean, I liked it. My big Christmas present when I was six years old was this triple-pack set with a basketball, soccer ball, and a football. And they were GLOW-IN-THE-DARK. I used to always be out in the street late-night with all my friends and cousins, shooting this glow’d-up basketball into a milkcrate that we’d nailed to a light pole. Good times. But soccer was really my thing. I was actually on the Bahamian youth national team.
I was good, and I would let you know about it!
One day I will tell my grandchildren about my life. I will tell them about my childhood. About who I was. I will tell them that their grandmother was the best runner in the world. I will tell them about how I felt when I lost a race for the first time. I will tell them that family is most important. About how the rest of the world is nothing. Family is everything. I will teach them about respect. And to know yourself. And that the rest of the world won’t always believe you.
I wanted to be a soldier. And I am in some ways now — fighting for fairness. Fighting for gender rights. This is a job for a girl. But as a real soldier, when you leave, you may never come home.
Every day I come home to my wife’s beautiful smile.
I wanted to represent my country. I do that every time I run. I am Caster Semenya, the girl from the South African bush who is the best runner in the world.
I wanted to be a hero.
I cannot be a hero yet because I am not done.
PHOTO BY:
Lauren Mulligan/The Players' Tribune
Caster Semenya
Track & Field
NFL
NBA
WNBA
Hockey
Soccer
Baseball
Other Sports
Videos
Features
Power Has No Gender
Knuckleheads With Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles
Letter to My Younger Self
Mental Health
Photography
Join Our Newsletter
SEP 27 2019
About
The Players' Shop
Athlete Application
Careers
Privacy
Terms
Join Our Newsletter
About
The Players' Shop
Athlete Application
Careers
Privacy
Terms
hen I was a little girl, I wanted to be a soldier.
I wanted to protect my country. I wanted to represent my country. I wanted to be a hero.
W
When I was older, in 2009, I got an opportunity to represent my country. I was 18 and it was my first professional race — the 800 meters in Berlin. It was the IAAF World Championships. I won the gold. My first professional race and I won gold. I was the best in the world.
But people did not celebrate that. That is not what they said about me. They said that I was a man. That I had an advantage. That my testosterone was too high.
They did not say that I was the first black South African woman to win gold at the world championships. They did not say that I was the best.
They did not see me as an 18-year-old woman. They did not see me as a young girl from the bush who was the best in the world. They did not see me as human at all.
They saw me as science. They wanted to test my body.
But you know what I do? I ignore all of them. I do not read such things. I do not hear them.
There are two types of people in this world. There are polite people — people who respect people. People who let people be who they are, who they want to be. My parents are polite people. My family are polite people. I am polite. I respect you when you tell me who you are and I see who you are.
And then there are the other people. People who are threatened by greatness. People who are insecure or have to criticize other people for who they are. Those are the people I ignore. They do not exist. I shut them out.
I have had to ignore a lot of people in my life and, now, for 10 years as a runner.
They have tested my body. They have tried to make me change my body, to take medicine to lower my testosterone. I do not want to change my body. I do not know what effects that medicine will have on my body for the rest of my life. I know the reason for this is because I am great. If I had high testosterone and wasn’t winning would they even care at all? I know it is a way to have control.
We in South Africa know about control. We know about domination and power. I am not like the other runners. That is a threat.
There have been rules in place that allowed me to run until now. Now the president of the IAAF wants to change those rules. It is bull. I know they — those in power — have daughters. I know some of them have wives. They have children. At the end of the day, they go home and do not do this to their kids. They believe their children or wife when they say who they are. But they want to change my body? To put me through shameful tests when I tell them who I am?
I am someone’s child. I am someone’s daughter. I am also someone’s wife.
You would not do that to them. But you do it to me.
I know who I am. I know I am the greatest runner in the world. I know what it means for me, as a woman, to be the best, though.
I know I inspire young girls. If a young girl comes to me on the street and asks me, “Caster, what should I do with my life?” I tell her, “Young girl, what do you see? What do you want? What makes you happy? At the end of the day, that’s what you should do.”
What we see and what we want is who we are. I would say the same thing to young boys.
They can do anything. They can be happy. At the end of the day, whoever they say they want to be is who they can be.
Lauren Mulligan/The Players' Tribune
Lauren Mulligan/The Players' Tribune
Fernanda Pesce Blazquez/The Players' Tribune
Fernanda Pesce Blazquez/The Players' Tribune
Lauren Mulligan/The Players' Tribune